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The other day I arrived to a shoot a bit early, so I decided to rest my eyes awhile. I leaned against the steering wheel of my husband’s truck and closed my eyes and sighed. I was tired, I could barely stay awake on the drive into Fort Wayne. I was overwhelmed, I have an edit list a mile long with no end in sight. I was praying, praying that God would help me get through all that life brings my way. Then, I was startled by a tap on my window. Caught off guard, I couldn’t figure out how to open my window, so I just opened the door….to find a woman standing outside my truck. I thought maybe she needed directions, or heck, maybe she was going to ask me for money (not that I would have been helpful with either!). But what came out of her mouth really took me by surprise. She said, “Girl, you look so depressed. It’s not that bad. Someone always has it worse than you. God loves you girl”. And with that, she smiled and walked away. I didn’t really know what to say, I was seriously sort of in shock. ( And to think, I thought I just looked tired, but now I looked depressed…jeesh!). I thought it was strange for someone to come out of their way to tell me that…but was it really? I’m pretty sure it was God using someone’s voice to speak to me, to tell me that He is with me no matter what. And for the following week that I had, it was a message that I kept close to me. My youngest son Reece was in the hospital two nights with a terrible case of croupe (a virus that makes your throat close up), and during that time, I had a peace with me. I knew he was going to be ok. I knew it could always be worse. One of the nights around midnight, I went to the snack room (thank you God for blueberry poptarts!), and there was a young couple standing outside crying because their little boy was sick. I so desperately wanted to say to them that it was going to be ok, that God loved them, but I just simply couldn’t do it, I was too scared. I wasn’t brave like the woman who tapped on my truck window. I pray that you are open to see the little “taps on your window” this week….to be able to hear God’s message through others…and maybe you’ll be the person tapping on someone else’s window.

I’ve had this post in my head for several months now, but I could never quite get my thoughts together (so forgive me if I go all over the place..). Something has been consuming my mind for quite some time….it’s the thought of never being “good enough”. As a mom, as a wife, as a friend…I’m just not good enough. I think we as women put so much pressure on ourselves to be what the world sees as perfect that it makes us start to go crazy. We want everyone to think we have it all together, that our house is always clean, and that our children behave like angels in public…..We rush around and pick up the house for an hour, only to say to our friend as they walk through the door, “oh, excuse the mess, the house is such a wreck.” …..why do we do this?! I think it’s time to give ourselves a break…..I’ve had so many expectations for my life that I’ve simply failed…and with each failed expectation came new realizations about myself.
My Failed Expectations……1). I’ll be the best mom ever….
Before I had children, I pictured myself holding them, loving them, reading them stories every night, and having picnics. No one told me I would become the poop wiper, throw up cleaner, booger picker, referee, tired mom that I am. I thought I would have scheduled “school time” throughout the day, craft time, and make healthy snacks. (insert laughter here). I’m lucky if all three of my boys get their teeth brushed and change their underwear everyday. I sometimes resort to using tasty treats as a bribe for good behavior, I yell way more than I should, and my youngest will probably never talk because I don’t read to him as much as I should….
2). I’ll be the best wife ever…..
I’ve never been Betty Crocker, so why did I envision myself making lunch for my husband to take to work?? Has it happened in the last nine years? nope. I have great intentions of having fabulous dinners ready for him when he gets home, but by the time 5pm rolls around, I’m usually calling in for a pizza. I thought we would stare into each other’s eyes like some romance movie and take long walks after dinner (the dinner that I purchased….). And although we stare at each other sometimes now, it’s usually because one of us farted or said something stupid….not because we are dreaming of our eternity together. I thought I would wear makeup and pretty nightgowns….unfortunately, I am usually adorned with my husband’s fleece pants and a t-shirt. The sound of my cracked heels scraping across the sheets is the only thing that wakes him up….
3) I’ll be the best friend ever…..
We all have a friend that we can go a year without seeing and when we do finally see them, it’s like we just saw them yesterday. I wish all friends were like that. Friends take work. And just like my laundry gets away from me, so does taking the time to call a friend I haven’t talked to in awhile. It’s easy to just stay in my own little world…besides, I’m sure everyone else is just as busy as me, right?? It’s not the same to text or facebook someone as it is to send a card or bring a meal.
So why do we think we have to be more than what we are? Who is putting all this pressure on us? the world, our friends, or is it just us putting pressure on ourselves? Why do we play the comparison game? So, I challenge all of you out there to look yourself in a mirror and say, “I am perfect just the way I am”.
Is my life what I “expected”? No, it’s not…’s much more!!! More than I could have ever dreamed. I am blessed beyond a doubt and I wouldn’t trade any of it! Superwoman you say? Why yes, maybe I am….just not quite the one I thought I would be.

I am going through something very difficult right now…which has nothing to do with my depression. Maybe some day I will be able to share it with you. But for now, I feel that God is revealing to me that part of my healing comes through writing. So, forgive me for the lack of picture posts of my amazing clients…

It’s crazy how God can speak through the silliest things. Some may chalk it up to coincidence, others may say I read into things, but I say it’s the Holy Spirit working in me. This morning I was making my bed (a rare phenomenon here at the Morehead residence!), and a long piece of thread was hanging off of the mattress. I started to pull it, thinking it would just break off, but you know how that story goes…..It just kept unravelling and unravelling and made me ticked off! Finally, I wrapped the string around my hand and pulled with all my might. “There! I got it!!” Indeed the string was broken and lying in my hand, but it wasn’t until a few seconds that went by that I realized it didn’t come without consequence. The string had cut my fingers….deep, I just didn’t notice it right away… but then the pain came. I went downstairs and put some trusty neosporin on it and covered it with an all too cute ScoobyDoobandaid (the only kind a mother of three boys could ever find in her cupboard). Then it hit me like a ton of bricks…Sometimes in our lives, we try to fix a problem and it just seems to spiral out of control. The more we try and handle it on our own, the farther we get pulled off of the main path. And once we finally get the strength to take control (by giving our struggles to God!!), it doesn’t come without pain. But, there is good news friends, after the pain, the healing can begin!! ScoobyDoobandaids can’t take away all of our pain, but there is One who is the healer of all. Today I am putting my trust in the fact that I am a child of God and that no matter what comes my way, I have the toughest bandaid on in the world!!