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{I’ve written, deleted, and written some more, and honestly, I can’t quite find the right words to convey what I want to say. I didn’t want this to be a whiney, gloomy post or a cliche “it’s all about trusting Jesus” post (yes, I believe we should trust in Jesus).  Maybe I was too focused on trying to be profound, yet funny…that the words just didn’t come…or maybe, I’m not supposed to share every thing that’s on my heart….maybe I’m just supposed to write for me.  To write as a reminder to myself that each day I will make over a hundred choices, choices that will either uplift me and those around me or tear me down along with those around me.  So, get out of your dang pajamas woman and read this! (I’m talking to myself here, by the way.)}
Winters are hard for me. It seems like when the skies turn gray, a veil is put over my eyes and I can’t see the beauty in the everyday. My hands and feet turn into ice blocks.  I’m stressed.  I can’t stand that my face is breaking out like a fourteen year old boy. I feel like I pray the same prayers over and over and yet, I still make the same mistakes…I get angry, I say things I shouldn’t, I get jealous, I feel overwhelmed, ugly, not worthy of God’s forgiveness or grace. I take for granted all that I have…my husband, my children, my family…my own life.  I find myself wasting nights watching ten episodes of Switched at Birth on Netflix, instead of doing much needed chores around the house.  I’m torn between what I think I want to do with my life and what I feel God is calling me to do. I feel isolated in my own mind… and that can be a very lonely place….but it doesn’t have to be.  I need to stop trying to change the way things look and start trying to change the way I SEE.  I can either let my negative thoughts control me, or I can choose to think differently. Before I get out of bed, I can choose to check my email or I can choose to do a devotion before my feet hit the wood floor. I can choose to be defeated, or I can choose to find joy.  Will it be easy? Of course not, but I’m tired of being tired…I’m tired of not truly loving myself. I’m tired of feeling I’m the only one who feels this way. I’m tired of hiding behind a smile.  I’m tired of believing God’s promises for everyone else, but not for myself.  I am responsible for my own choices, for my own happiness.  I don’t know what tomorrow will bring or what my thoughts will be, but today, I choose hope. I choose acceptance.  I choose laughter. I choose to believe God has a plan for my life, for my family, and for every person on this earth. 


Model: Henley Drew
Makeup and Hair: Laura Drew

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