Trading Her Room For A Mansion | A personal letter to my grandma
In February I wrote a blogpost about my grandma, which you can find here. Soon, she will be with the Lord…. I can’t sleep….so I write.
You will never know what you mean to me. As your time here on earth is coming to an end, I find it hard for me to tell you what’s on my heart. The only thing I can muster is I love you…which I do to the moon and back..but there’s so much more I want to say. So, forgive me for my random thoughts…but I know this will make me feel closer to you.
I will always long for your arms to reach around me like they did when I was younger. I want to hang out around your kitchen table and make you laugh so hard you pee your pants. I want you to be able to make macaroni and cheese and pickle chip dip sandwiches. I can see your kitchen drawer full of pencils (I can smell them!) and Avon catalogs…no, I don’t want anymore skin so soft. Now I understand why I made you so mad when I messed up the curtains in your “good room”. Do you remember all the forts I made in your backyard and how I always requested (yelled for) the green girl cup at lunch? Sometimes you would get stuck in your stupid glider chair from Kroger and I would have to pull you out..that’s what we get for buying furniture at the front of a grocery store. Thank you for always buying me silver dollar ice cream bars from the schwan’s man, I realize now how expensive they were. I never liked it when you wore a wig, I could always tell. I’m sorry I whined and bugged you until you gave in and gave me what I wanted, I was a brat. I wish I could grow plants in my house like you did. Who is going to inherit the big Christmas stocking? Do we still have it somewhere? When you were watching tv, I would sneak in your bedroom and put your jewelry on my head and pretend I was a princess…I’m pretty sure you knew though. Why in the world did you put contact paper all over your fridge?.. it still looked like an ugly fridge. I can still smell the musty smell of the closet beside your kitchen and the little wooden fold up stool. Remember when I saw a mouse and jumped on your table? Remember when I broke out in hives from penicillin and you gave me more of it because you thought it would help?, lol…I looked like violet from willy wonka..but at least you held me in your lap until my mom came to get me. You always gave out the best Halloween candy (I was mad at you when you said I was too old to get my own special basket of candy). Thank you for always going to my dance recitals, sporting events, and special moments in my life. I always put my fingers in that ugly oil/string lamp that you had in your living room…it was rather mesmerizing. I will never be able to iron like you, I never understood how you could put an iron pleat in jeans. I felt so bad when you fell on one of those moving floors at the airport and broke your front teeth..but I couldn’t help but laugh because you looked like a hillbilly…so glad you got those fixed. I still laugh so hard about the time when aunt Vick kept shutting the camper door in your face when you were trying to get out of the bathroom because she didn’t know you were in it. You were always there for me…to lean on, to hug, to love. Life will not be the same without you in it. I won’t be able to go to mom and dad’s without expecting to see you in your chair. Why didn’t I come over everyday just to say hi? I know you are tired, and I want you to know it’s ok to go home. Jesus has a much better place prepared for you, I’m sure it even has the Hallmark channel (every movie is the same, yet we both sit there in your room and watch them over and over..). You will have a perfect body, you will have no pain, and know no sadness. I will cry when you leave, but I know you are saving me a place beside you. When you get there, tell Aunt Sis and grandpa that I miss them everyday. You are an amazing woman and if I can only be half the grandma you were to me, I will be honored. I will carry you in my heart forever. I love you the mostest infinity.
This is the smile I will always remember…