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My Wedding Dress {A Second Letter To My Daughter}

Dear Baby Girl,

Last year I took your pictures in my wedding dress and said I wanted to do it every year…well, I finally got around to it (a bit late, ok, almost seven months late, but it’s still 2017, so that technically counts as a year). Looking back on my last letter (which you can find here), I can’t believe how much you have grown. I wrote how I wanted God’s voice to be louder than the world and what it tells you, and that’s still my prayer for you….because, trust me, the world is very loud right now!!… so loud that it’s almost impossible to hear anything else. But, that’s not what I want to talk about today. Today I want to ask for your forgiveness. Forgiveness for ever putting my own insecurities on you. The other day, after I combed your hair, you ruffled it up when you changed your shirt, and you looked at me with sadness and asked, “Is my hair still beautiful momma?”, as if I would suddenly not love you if it was messed up. It broke my heart. I thought, “Why does this sweet child even care what her hair looks like?”  And then it hit me…it was because of me. You see, it’s not just my job to try and teach you how to love and serve other people, it’s my job to try and make sure I show you how to love yourself, without the need of approval from others. Yes, of course, we all want approval from others, in fact, one of my love languages is words of affirmation, but my desire for you is that you know you were fearfully and wonderfully made and that you love yourself the way God loves you.   I don’t do this well, it’s one of my biggest weaknesses. I doubt myself, I pick apart my body, I complain about things, I let others’ opinions of me influence my decisions….and there you are silently watching, even if I don’t think you are. I tell you you are creative and kind, and in my next breath I tell myself, “If I could just have this or do this or look like this (fill in the blank)…then I would love myself”.  And what stinks about the whole thing is that I know the truth.  I know God loves me and my worth comes from Him, not from losing five pounds or buying the newest shade of lipstick… and I’m truly sorry for not being a better example. Please know I’m trying…and I will try harder, because I don’t want your love for yourself to ever waiver, I want it to shine through in everything you do. You are such a free spirit and I’m so very grateful God let me be your mommy. Love you always,

Mom

 

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