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Have you ever driven by something a million times and never noticed it? It’s like one day it just catches your eye and you think, “How did I not see that before?”… Well, that happened to me today, but it wasn’t with an actual “object”…it was with a prayer.
I often pray a simple prayer for God to bless me, so I can bless others. Sounds a little selfish, huh…kinda like, “Dear God, make me happy and I’ll make someone else happy too!” But, as I was driving home from the store, I prayed that same prayer, “Dear Lord, bless me so I can bless others”…and I heard God reply, “I am and have been blessing you this whole time.” “What?? are you kidding me? I’m not feeling blessed, I’m not being showered with goodness (although, this Carmel mocha from McDonald’s is helping me feel a bit better…), I’m not seeing rainbows, and I certainly don’t feel like smiling. Then, tell me, how am I being blessed??”
Let me just say, if you ask God a question…you can’t be afraid of the answer. He gently pointed out to me that just because I’m not feeling the “joys” of blessings, it doesn’t mean that I’m not blessing others. We all go through high and low points in our lives, but have you ever considered that the hard times in your life will somehow help you to bless another? Maybe you’ve had a miscarriage and you just can’t understand why it happened, but then a year later you find yourself holding the hand of a young mother who just lost her baby. Maybe you’ve lost a loved one to cancer and you find yourself being the shoulder your friend cries on when the doctors tell her she has stage three cancer. Maybe you’re the person who was abused growing up and you find yourself sharing your story to others that are where you used to be…..
During hard times, it’s not easy to see how you are being blessed, but it doesn’t mean that God isn’t going to take your pain and your struggles, and be able to help someone else who is hurting, someone else who is going through what you already went through.
So, am I still going to pray for God to bless me, so I can bless others?? The answer is yes, because if just one person is helped as a result of my suffereing… then it’s all worth it.

Laura Story’s song, “Blessings”, is the perfect example of what I needed to hear. (please pause the blog music to your right before you push play)

I am going through something very difficult right now…which has nothing to do with my depression. Maybe some day I will be able to share it with you. But for now, I feel that God is revealing to me that part of my healing comes through writing. So, forgive me for the lack of picture posts of my amazing clients…

It’s crazy how God can speak through the silliest things. Some may chalk it up to coincidence, others may say I read into things, but I say it’s the Holy Spirit working in me. This morning I was making my bed (a rare phenomenon here at the Morehead residence!), and a long piece of thread was hanging off of the mattress. I started to pull it, thinking it would just break off, but you know how that story goes…..It just kept unravelling and unravelling and made me ticked off! Finally, I wrapped the string around my hand and pulled with all my might. “There! I got it!!” Indeed the string was broken and lying in my hand, but it wasn’t until a few seconds that went by that I realized it didn’t come without consequence. The string had cut my fingers….deep, I just didn’t notice it right away… but then the pain came. I went downstairs and put some trusty neosporin on it and covered it with an all too cute ScoobyDoobandaid (the only kind a mother of three boys could ever find in her cupboard). Then it hit me like a ton of bricks…Sometimes in our lives, we try to fix a problem and it just seems to spiral out of control. The more we try and handle it on our own, the farther we get pulled off of the main path. And once we finally get the strength to take control (by giving our struggles to God!!), it doesn’t come without pain. But, there is good news friends, after the pain, the healing can begin!! ScoobyDoobandaids can’t take away all of our pain, but there is One who is the healer of all. Today I am putting my trust in the fact that I am a child of God and that no matter what comes my way, I have the toughest bandaid on in the world!!

I’ve always been the “funny one”, the one that makes a fool of herself to get a laugh. I don’t know why I feel the need to make people laugh so much, maybe it’s because when there is no laughter I get drug down into somewhat of a scary place…a place that is filled with a certain darkness and self doubt. I’m going to be completely honest with you,…. I struggle with depression. “What?!” say. “You have so much! You have the best husband in the world, three adorable kids, a great job, and most of all a God that laid down his life so that you could spend eternity with Him in Heaven!! Yes, yes, I’m aware of all of my blessings and I’m very thankful, so VERY thankful, but yet sometimes I can’t rise above the heaviness that pulls me down. I feel like a failure so many times because I DO have so MUCH to live for, so much to make me happy, yet I find myself wanting to curl up in a ball and cry….I think to myself, why can’t I shake this? What’s wrong with me?..the answer is…nothing. Nothing is wrong with me, I have a chemical imbalance and it’s ok. It’s ok. God loves me and His mercies are new every morning….EVERY morning. I hope you don’t think I’m a “crazy”, because I’m not. (or at least I don’t think I am, lol…) It’s not like I walk around in a constant state of depression, I have more of a seasonal depression. So, if you see me walking with a big, bright light around my neck in the winter, you’ll know why! Also, depression can manifest itself in many different ways. Some people start harmful habits (which, I did…but that’s for another blog post for another day), and some people are just down right angry.
So, why did I share my hidden secret that only my close family and friends know about?? I don’t really know why, but maybe you do….maybe you’ve found yourself feeling down and lonely. Maybe you’ve reached the end of your rope and you think you can’t make it another day….But, you can rest assured that there is Hope. There is hope in Jesus Christ… (and Prozac!). See…there I go trying to be funny again….
I’ve never taken a self portrait before….in fact, I didn’t even know how to take one until I looked it up in my camera’s manual tonight. I thought I’d try and convey what I sometimes feel…

Even though I sometimes feel this way….it’s not how I feel the majority of the time, I usually am truly joyful. But when the darkness does start to pull me under….I pray. I pray for God to protect me from my emotions…from the lies that fill my head. If this is you, please seek help, because you’re not alone. Talk with a friend, your pastor, me…talk to someone.
I apologize for being so depressing (great choice of words, I know!), I promise next time I’ll talk of puppy dogs and rainbows…but for now I’ll leave you with a song that speaks to my heart…and hopefully it will speak to yours.
(please pause the blog music player on the side of the page before you push play..)

It’s hard to believe six years ago yesterday I gave birth to my first of three boys…Lane Parker. I was always told by older moms that time goes by so fast..and now I know….it does. He immediately comes home from Kindergarten, puts his “soft pants” on (anything fleece) and wants to play his Nintendo DS. He no longer needs me to care for him 24/7, watch him like a hawk, feed, and bathe him. He’s growing into his own little self, his own little man. I pray everyday that God will direct his path as he grows………….and grows.
Here he is yesterday with the crown he wore at school.

of course, Cole had to jump in for a few….
by this time, Reece (my one year old) was putting a ball in the toilet……I love my boys!!

I like metaphors…and I’m not sure if it’s because I like making something small and insignificant into something more meaningful, or if it’s really God trying to tell me something through the everyday motions (I’m going with the latter!). So, here it goes….

I was helping Lane brush his teeth the other day when I noticed he had a permanent tooth growing in behind his baby tooth. What in the world, I didn’t know that could happen! I felt his baby teeth and they were a bit lose, but not wiggly enough to even think about coming out. So, me in my worried state, called the dentist..they said it happens sometimes, but that they would take a look at him. As I was driving to the dentist, I thought, great, they will take care of it, they’ll pull out some of his baby teeth and make room for the permanent tooth. When we got there, the dentist said he didn’t really like to pull baby teeth out, and that even though they weren’t ready to come out, they would eventually be forced to do so because of the permanent tooth growing in behind. (of course, I’m thinking he’ll just have ugly teeth the rest of his life because they’ll never fall out!).
So what does a baby tooth have to do with anything?? Well, I guess the thought that was impressed on my heart was that sometimes in life we’re not ready to do things, maybe it’s finding a new job, telling someone about the love of God, or simply smiling at a stranger in the grocery store…but whether we’re ready or not, sometimes we are forced to make changes or decisions because if we don’t we’ll have ugly teeth forever! I don’t know what’s going on in your life, maybe you are having to make some tough choices, maybe you feel like the world is falling down on you, but you can hold fast to the truth that no matter what’s pushing on you, God will be there when your baby teeth fall out!