Category Archives: personal
The other day I arrived to a shoot a bit early, so I decided to rest my eyes awhile. I leaned against the steering wheel of my husband’s truck and closed my eyes and sighed. I was tired, I could barely stay awake on the drive into Fort Wayne. I was overwhelmed, I have an edit list a mile long with no end in sight. I was praying, praying that God would help me get through all that life brings my way. Then, I was startled by a tap on my window. Caught off guard, I couldn’t figure out how to open my window, so I just opened the door….to find a woman standing outside my truck. I thought maybe she needed directions, or heck, maybe she was going to ask me for money (not that I would have been helpful with either!). But what came out of her mouth really took me by surprise. She said, “Girl, you look so depressed. It’s not that bad. Someone always has it worse than you. God loves you girl”. And with that, she smiled and walked away. I didn’t really know what to say, I was seriously sort of in shock. ( And to think, I thought I just looked tired, but now I looked depressed…jeesh!). I thought it was strange for someone to come out of their way to tell me that…but was it really? I’m pretty sure it was God using someone’s voice to speak to me, to tell me that He is with me no matter what. And for the following week that I had, it was a message that I kept close to me. My youngest son Reece was in the hospital two nights with a terrible case of croupe (a virus that makes your throat close up), and during that time, I had a peace with me. I knew he was going to be ok. I knew it could always be worse. One of the nights around midnight, I went to the snack room (thank you God for blueberry poptarts!), and there was a young couple standing outside crying because their little boy was sick. I so desperately wanted to say to them that it was going to be ok, that God loved them, but I just simply couldn’t do it, I was too scared. I wasn’t brave like the woman who tapped on my truck window. I pray that you are open to see the little “taps on your window” this week….to be able to hear God’s message through others…and maybe you’ll be the person tapping on someone else’s window.
Have you ever driven by something a million times and never noticed it? It’s like one day it just catches your eye and you think, “How did I not see that before?”… Well, that happened to me today, but it wasn’t with an actual “object”…it was with a prayer.
I often pray a simple prayer for God to bless me, so I can bless others. Sounds a little selfish, huh…kinda like, “Dear God, make me happy and I’ll make someone else happy too!” But, as I was driving home from the store, I prayed that same prayer, “Dear Lord, bless me so I can bless others”…and I heard God reply, “I am and have been blessing you this whole time.” “What?? are you kidding me? I’m not feeling blessed, I’m not being showered with goodness (although, this Carmel mocha from McDonald’s is helping me feel a bit better…), I’m not seeing rainbows, and I certainly don’t feel like smiling. Then, tell me, how am I being blessed??”
Let me just say, if you ask God a question…you can’t be afraid of the answer. He gently pointed out to me that just because I’m not feeling the “joys” of blessings, it doesn’t mean that I’m not blessing others. We all go through high and low points in our lives, but have you ever considered that the hard times in your life will somehow help you to bless another? Maybe you’ve had a miscarriage and you just can’t understand why it happened, but then a year later you find yourself holding the hand of a young mother who just lost her baby. Maybe you’ve lost a loved one to cancer and you find yourself being the shoulder your friend cries on when the doctors tell her she has stage three cancer. Maybe you’re the person who was abused growing up and you find yourself sharing your story to others that are where you used to be…..
During hard times, it’s not easy to see how you are being blessed, but it doesn’t mean that God isn’t going to take your pain and your struggles, and be able to help someone else who is hurting, someone else who is going through what you already went through.
So, am I still going to pray for God to bless me, so I can bless others?? The answer is yes, because if just one person is helped as a result of my suffereing… then it’s all worth it.
Laura Story’s song, “Blessings”, is the perfect example of what I needed to hear. (please pause the blog music to your right before you push play)
I am going through something very difficult right now…which has nothing to do with my depression. Maybe some day I will be able to share it with you. But for now, I feel that God is revealing to me that part of my healing comes through writing. So, forgive me for the lack of picture posts of my amazing clients…