I’ve had this post in my head for several months now, but I could never quite get my thoughts together (so forgive me if I go all over the place..). Something has been consuming my mind for quite some time….it’s the thought of never being “good enough”. As a mom, as a wife, as a friend…I’m just not good enough. I think we as women put so much pressure on ourselves to be what the world sees as perfect that it makes us start to go crazy. We want everyone to think we have it all together, that our house is always clean, and that our children behave like angels in public…..We rush around and pick up the house for an hour, only to say to our friend as they walk through the door, “oh, excuse the mess, the house is such a wreck.” …..why do we do this?! I think it’s time to give ourselves a break…..I’ve had so many expectations for my life that I’ve simply failed…and with each failed expectation came new realizations about myself.
My Failed Expectations……1). I’ll be the best mom ever….
Before I had children, I pictured myself holding them, loving them, reading them stories every night, and having picnics. No one told me I would become the poop wiper, throw up cleaner, booger picker, referee, tired mom that I am. I thought I would have scheduled “school time” throughout the day, craft time, and make healthy snacks. (insert laughter here). I’m lucky if all three of my boys get their teeth brushed and change their underwear everyday. I sometimes resort to using tasty treats as a bribe for good behavior, I yell way more than I should, and my youngest will probably never talk because I don’t read to him as much as I should….
2). I’ll be the best wife ever…..
I’ve never been Betty Crocker, so why did I envision myself making lunch for my husband to take to work?? Has it happened in the last nine years? nope. I have great intentions of having fabulous dinners ready for him when he gets home, but by the time 5pm rolls around, I’m usually calling in for a pizza. I thought we would stare into each other’s eyes like some romance movie and take long walks after dinner (the dinner that I purchased….). And although we stare at each other sometimes now, it’s usually because one of us farted or said something stupid….not because we are dreaming of our eternity together. I thought I would wear makeup and pretty nightgowns….unfortunately, I am usually adorned with my husband’s fleece pants and a t-shirt. The sound of my cracked heels scraping across the sheets is the only thing that wakes him up….
3) I’ll be the best friend ever…..
We all have a friend that we can go a year without seeing and when we do finally see them, it’s like we just saw them yesterday. I wish all friends were like that. Friends take work. And just like my laundry gets away from me, so does taking the time to call a friend I haven’t talked to in awhile. It’s easy to just stay in my own little world…besides, I’m sure everyone else is just as busy as me, right?? It’s not the same to text or facebook someone as it is to send a card or bring a meal.
So why do we think we have to be more than what we are? Who is putting all this pressure on us? the world, our friends, or is it just us putting pressure on ourselves? Why do we play the comparison game? So, I challenge all of you out there to look yourself in a mirror and say, “I am perfect just the way I am”.
Is my life what I “expected”? No, it’s not…..it’s much more!!! More than I could have ever dreamed. I am blessed beyond a doubt and I wouldn’t trade any of it! Superwoman you say? Why yes, maybe I am….just not quite the one I thought I would be.